by: Nicoline Hansen
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, love is defined as a “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” Love is a global phenomenon that exists in every country and culture. However, to what extent love is present and how it is expressed varies across the globe. In order to acquire a deeper understanding of love across the world, I sat down with a few of Parkland College’s international students.
Among the international students were Marcus Flinn, a graphic design student originally from the Philippines but was born and raised in the United States, Edward Passagi, a computer science student originally from Indonesia who speaks Bahasa Indonesian, Stivension Jean Baptiste from Haiti who studies business management and speaks both French and Haitian Creole, Asma Kim from South Korea who speaks Korean and is studying elementary education, and Ivai Warella from the Netherlands who speaks Dutch and is at Parkland College to study sports management.
After speaking with the international students, it quickly became clear that Valentine’s day is not an internationally recognized holiday like various media claim. In more conservative and religious countries such as Haiti and Indonesia, Valentine’s Day is considered a Western tradition that should not interfere with their culture. “[Indonesia] is a very religious country where people are not free to just go out on a date or something like that,” Edward Passagi shares.
I quickly noticed that there seemed to be a correlation between the existence of Valentine’s Day and the level of freedom and open-mindedness within the culture. Kim, from South Korea, shared that Korea is a great example of a previous conservative country that has moved onto being more open-minded and acceptant.
About Valentine’s Day, Asma notes that, “It is very special. On February 14th it’s Valentine’s Day and then on March 14th we have White Day. For Valentine’s Day, girls prepare chocolates for guys and for White Day, guys prepare candies for girls.” She, then, goes on to share that the Korean culture is big on using food as a sign of love and appreciation for another human being, and isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is all about?
If you ask Flinn, he will somewhat agree. However, he also adds that Valentine’s Day in the United States has quickly turned into an opportunity for businesses to increase their sales. He states that, “people spend a lot of money.” Flinn also feels as if materialistic items have become a big part of the American culture and that it has almost become a standard that you show affection through monetary value. This is shown through almost every important event like birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day and even baby showers, Flinn explains.
In the Netherlands, flowers are a great way to show appreciation. “The Netherlands is known for its beautiful flowers, which are symbolic for our country,” Ivai Warella states. “Especially tulips and roses are very common on Valentine’s Day.” However, the culture of the Netherlands does not seem to be like the United States when it comes to gifting other items. Warella shares that little gifts are accepted but when the value of the gifted items goes up, the Dutch people start viewing it as arrogance. Dutch girls value their independence and do not find it necessary to receive gifts of higher value.
Besides being asked about Valentine’s Day and the value of gifts, the international students were also asked about their culture’s norms when it comes to speaking openly about feelings towards someone else. A clear division between the traditional and the non-traditional cultures was again present.
Edward Passagi explains that the Indonesian people are not very expressive about their feelings towards one another. “They kind of have to hide their feelings just because people are expected not to show love until they get married,” Passagi adds. However, Passagi does make it clear that Indonesia is slowly starting to take a step in a different direction. Millennials are becoming braver and many have slowly started going against the traditions by going on dates, for example.
In the United States, however, the rising use of technology and various social media apps have contributed to the youth hiding behind screens rather than expressing emotions in real life. “I think it’s normal that we are open about expressing [our feelings] but at the same time, it’s not because of the technology. I feel like a lot of people hide behind technology a little bit in terms of how they express themselves,” says Flinn.
The word ‘hiding’ is also used by Stivenson to express the Haitian people’s norms when it comes to sharing emotions. Stivenson explains that expressing love for someone is mainly something that takes place in a private setting. “The only thing that is not really private in Haiti is your spirituality. They are not afraid to say who they are on a spiritual level but most people in my country are reserved people, especially when it comes to talking about your feelings”, Stivenson explains.
Open-mindedness is one of the adjectives used by Warella to describe Dutch culture. This is also the case when it comes to expressing and showing emotions in public. It can even be said that being open about feelings is, to some extent, encouraged. Warella tells me that, “public affection is very common in the Netherlands. We even hold an annual gay pride in Amsterdam to show that everyone has the right to show their love in public.” He then adds that events like these unite the city and the Dutch people and stimulates public affection.
The last thing I asked our international students about were the typical character traits people from their cultures value in a partner. Surprisingly, this was the question with the most similar answers. The most common answer was the education level, which is valued in the American, Korean, and Dutch cultures.
About the Korean culture, Asma Kim shares that it is common to find couples with the same level of success and education. Furthermore, Koreans value both internal and external attractiveness as well as what family they are from.
Educational level does not play as big of a role in the Haitian and Indonesian culture. This is again due to the more traditional values. Passagi shares that religion is one of the most important factors when finding “the one.” He also explains that it is common for Indonesian women to be the ones taking care of the household. “I don’t like that about my culture. You’re supposed to become one when you marry someone,” Stivenson explains. “A few weeks ago, I actually thanked my American dad, my sponsor, for the way he lives. He cooks, he does laundry, and he takes the trash outside. He helps his wife with everything.” Stivenson shares that this was a weird experience for him when he first got to the states. This kind of behavior was something he had only seen in the movies.
